Andriy Zakaliuk: On the dark side of education—why some children are afraid to go to school.

Bullying has been, is, and continues to be one of the most pressing internal issues in modern education. As long as there are adults (parents and educators) who view this phenomenon as secondary, thinking "it doesn't concern my child," "they will sort it out themselves," or "we were teased too, and it was fine," this dangerous issue will thrive in Ukrainian schools.

Unfortunately, such cases are becoming increasingly brutal and are known nationwide. One of the latest incidents occurred in Bila Tserkva, where a group of teenagers assaulted a 12-year-old girl. The conflict escalated into actual violence, filmed on camera. Initially, the girl was intimidated, and then she was physically attacked. This serves as a troubling signal for parents, educators, and society at large: bullying is no longer just an "internal" school problem; it poses a real threat to the safety and health of children everywhere.

Another example is the case of a physics lab assistant in Lviv. During a physics lesson, he made unacceptable remarks to students, suggesting they be sent to the front lines for quicker demise. He no longer works there.

The worst part is that in Ukraine, such situations occur daily – aggression from students, teachers, parents, and others. Not all of them make the news.

How to Recognize Bullying

Here are a few signs that may indicate a child has become a victim of bullying:

• Shows a loss of interest in learning, often inventing excuses to avoid school;
• Returns home with scratches, bruises, or damaged belongings;
• Becomes withdrawn, refusing to discuss events at school;
• Exhibits sudden mood swings (irritability, tears, anxiety);
• Losess friends and begins to avoid social situations.

Conversely, if a child displays excessive aggression towards peers, ignores others' feelings, or mocks the weaker ones, this too is a cause for concern. Could they be a bully?

What Parents Can Do

1. Observe your child's behavior. If you notice changes – talk! Don't scold or blame, but try to uncover the truth;

2. Communicate without pressure. Say: "I've noticed that you're often sad/angry after school. Did something happen?". The child should feel supported, not fearful of punishment;

3. Reach out to the school. If you suspect bullying, inform the class teacher or administration. They are obliged to respond;

4. Don't turn a blind eye, even if your child is the aggressor. Aggressive behavior is a signal that the child needs help. Don't justify it with phrases like, "He's just a leader." Talk, explain the consequences, seek help from a psychologist;

5. Teach your child to respond appropriately. Responding to aggression with more aggression is not the solution. It's essential to educate the child to:

• Not show fear or despair in front of the aggressor;
• Immediately inform an adult;
• Avoid conflict situations.

What Teachers Can Do

My colleague, Kristina Shabat, head of the Child's Dignity Center, recently commented very aptly: "Teachers often think their job is to teach, and doctors to heal. In reality, their role as institutional workers should be effective prevention – stopping violence, responding to red flags, and consequences for rule violators" – we are indeed the people in society who must respond to such incidents.

When bullying is identified, educators are obligated to intervene to prevent the worst-case scenario. Moreover, responses to such incidents should occur not only within the school premises but also in adjacent areas – gyms, hallways, locker rooms, restrooms, cafeterias, playgrounds, everywhere. It's crucial to intervene, investigate, and remind children and teenagers that any conflict requires adult resolution through dialogue. If such a situation arises, it must be reported to a teacher, the school leader, or the parents of the conflict participants (preferably both sides).

• Build trusting relationships. Students should know that there are adults in school who are ready to listen and help;
• Monitor for "red flags." Bullying rarely occurs suddenly. There are signs: certain children are left without friends, some avoid interaction, while others behave too aggressively;
• React immediately. Do not ignore even minor incidents. Bullying starts with teasing and escalates into more serious aggression;
• Organize preventive measures. Communication hours, training sessions, interactive lessons on respect and tolerance;
• Collaborate with parents. If a teacher notices that a child is suffering, they should inform the parents and seek solutions together;
• Involve a psychologist. Every school should have a psychologist available for students to consult.

What to Do If Bullying Has Already Occurred

• Notify the class teacher or school administration;
• If the school does not respond – contact the education department or the educational ombudsperson;
• In cases of physical violence – contact the police and social services;
• The affected child must receive psychological support;
• The bully also needs to work with a psychologist – often family issues lie behind their aggression.

I often hear adults say things like "these kids are just like that, they were always like this, we can’t do anything." Friends, children enter the education system at three years old and spend 20 days a month for most of the day there. Their behavior is a result of how we, adults, interact with them or respond to their behavior. Shouting, devaluing, and shaming from adults translate into accepting such behavior as normal and "testing" it on the weaker – on other children. We are responsible for shaping social and communication skills, conflict resolution skills, the ability to forgive and acknowledge mistakes, and for fostering a demand for justice.

What We Are Doing in Lviv

Schools should place special emphasis on conducting activities with students regarding the prevention and counteraction of violence and bullying. It is essential to cultivate a caring attitude among students towards affected children, an awareness of the need to inform teachers about such cases, and to place various reminders and displays in corridors, on websites, and school pages – all of this can collectively help prevent such horrific situations.

In our schools, specialists, often psychologists, conduct various training sessions and meetings for combating bullying and teach how to recognize it. Thematic lessons and reflections are also held with children, discussing the behaviors of those who become victims and those who pose a threat.

Recently, a significant study titled "A School Safe for Children" was conducted in Lviv schools, implemented by the Child's Dignity Center at UCU in collaboration with the research agency Fama, supported by the education department. It's fantastic that children, parents, and educators participated – this provided greater understanding. The goal was to investigate what influences children's sense of safety in schools. However, I was struck by how differently everyone understands what safety means.

By the way, 7% of surveyed children indicated that they constantly feel anxious during the educational process – this is practically every tenth student. Most children believe that friendly relationships with teachers and classmates, the absence of bullying, and the presence of friends significantly impact their sense of safety at school.

Such training is also conducted for school psychologists. Recently, we had a meeting where we discussed supporting children during wartime and in challenging situations. Our center for the professional development of educational staff regularly conducts such training, and of course, we provide individual consultations for those who reach out.

Schools must implement a necessary code of conduct and maintain a policy so that everyone understands what is unacceptable. The adult responsible for safety is essential. All leaders must set a goal to ensure this is effectively established in every school, whether in clubs or extracurricular activities. If such incidents occur – respond immediately and take measures, calling "black" black and never tolerating evil for the sake of the school's reputation. School management and staff are also responsible for the consequences.

In Conclusion

Bullying is not just a school problem; it is a societal issue. If a child grows up in an environment where it is normal to hurt the weaker, their behavior will not change in adulthood. On the contrary, they will either continue to exert pressure on others or become victims in a harsher world.

Learn to recognize bullying – it often hides behind a mask of innocent teasing or "life lessons," frequently serving as a tool for humiliation and control. Hurtful gestures, nicknames, jokes or threats,